Was it the chocolate martinis or the rum and Coke? Uncle Paul’s moonshine was pretty tasty too! The cab’s number was posted all around the bar but you really didn’t have money for a cab – and besides, you didn’t think you were drunk.
A mile from home, you see the red lights flashing in your rear view mirror so you dutifully pull over praying the police car will speed around you in pursuit of a real criminal. No such luck! Maybe you have a tail light out and the nice officer is simply stopping you to help out?
Likely, you complied when he asked for your registration and license and answered his questions fairly truthful about how much you had to drink. You even likely complied when he asked you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test. Now the fare for the cab didn’t seem so bad.
However, if you want to try beating the charge, these tips may work! Speed away and drive into another person’s driveway – remove the license plates and run like heck into the woods. The unsuspecting homeowner will have plausible deniability and when you wake up the next morning and you will honestly not know where the car is.
If you want to keep your car, you could stop and say you forgot your license at home, your dad cleaned out the glove box and forgot to put back in the registration and your name is John Smith. Mickey Mouse would be a dead giveaway along with an address of 123 Happy Street!
In case this doesn’t work, you will likely find out how a police department processes DUI charges. You will probably meet many interesting people down at the police station; perhaps even some other members of the law enforcement community!
You could pretend to be an undercover civilian hired by Internal Affairs office to check on the effectiveness of the police department. On purpose, you became tipsy and on purpose, you were weaving to see how long it took the officer to notice you. You congratulate him, take his badge number and promise to recommend him for a promotion and drive off.
How about a memory problem? You don’t remember what you had to drink or even where you were? You don’t know whose wallet you have, who the person is on the driver’s license or who the car is registered to. You were involved in some sort of industrial accident but can’t remember what happened. To every question asked, you say ‘huh?’.
The last tip will require some planning. You will need to have a balloon or two blown up by a very sober person in the car with you. When you are stopped and given the breathalyzer test, simply slip the neck of the balloon over the mouthpiece and sober breath will be analyzed! Likely, you will also need your passenger to be a distraction.